I've always been one to want to control everything...and then fix it if I messed it up. I recently learned that life doesn't work that way. I've always intrinsically known this...I suppose I only just wanted for that to be false and that I could use my actions to decide the verdict....which is true to a point. I'm over controlling, over bearing. It's true.
I know that this isn't healthy...it can lead to some serious psycological and physical damage...trying to control so much. While it's true that my actions in certain situations do sway the verdict...I cannot decide that it is better. It is not always in my control. Sometimes I have to just let the feather fall as it will. Sometimes...trying to control a situation only makes it worse. Jeeze. I should really fix this thing inside of me that wants to control everything.
It'll take time, and some serious effort, but I think I can do this. This is for both my present and future self.
It's going to be really hard.
God help me.
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