I sometimes feel that what we do on this earth is only as good as we're alive, and when we've died, what good has it done us? What good did we gain? I feel that we grew as people, as individuals, always becoming a better human being...but what good is that when your existence no longer is?
My only problem with this whole idea is life, is the meaning of it. I'm not talking about meaning within life, it just seems that being alive for around 70 years, and then just disintegrating into nothingness, makes no sense. If that's all we were here for, life wouldn't have proliferated, would it? Does it make sense that we would be born, and then die in less than a century, with little time to make a mark on this world, and at that it'd be only the human population. I just feel that...there's little meaning to our existence other than to be born, live (in a very vague sense of the word even), and die. And after death...what is there? It seems empty. I feel like we've created religions only to comfort the living, and these have only become more elaborate over time.
I'm just confused about this whole life thing. Why are we alive? If I'm to believe my Christian upbringing, we're created for the soul purpose of serving and praising our Lord every second of the day, and be happy about it. That doesn't make much sense to me. I mean, if I were all powerful, sure I'd create this elaborate idea and call it life, give it to 6 billion people, and counting, not to mention every OTHER organism that is alive, and then make it as difficult as possible to have a good time. I don't know, I guess if I was that bored, and all powerful, I'd create people to worship me. But from what I understand, he already had an awesome presence of angels at his feet. Why need grubby, unwilling, and non-committal humans? Why not anything else this all powerful being decided to breathe into existence?
First of all, I don't understand the need for us to be alive, except to live and die, and then why must we make it so complicated? Why the modernization, the self-actualization. Whenever I just watch people, it amazes me how complicated we make everything. I've observed birds searching for food, and I reflect over the seemingly simple life they lead. How easy they make life seem, and then I wonder why my life can't be that simple, or if it can, why don't I choose to make it that simple? I wonder why we go to college and everything, if we only die in the end.
I understand the need for procreation, and I understand sexual selection, and I think that could have a possible impact on the way we've created our social interactions and perceived needs. The demand for competent men and women has increased the need for college, good resumes, outstanding penmanship, etcetera. It seems like it's only a positive-feedback-loop, again, explained away by supply and demand. I'm not sure I like this system. But it is what it is, and there's no way a 19 year old girl can create a paradigm shift, besides, I don't even have a good substitute, this seems to be working....I just sometimes wish I could go back to a simpler life, but don't we all?
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