Choices and Musicals

I've started wondering....what is love?
Lol...a topic for me to write about, no?
Hmmm...its weird. Some people would like to believe that there is only one person out there for them....some believe differently.
I am a rational individual.
I believe that love is what you make it...that it doesn't function properly without the necessary support and balance.
I love being in love. It's a feeling beyond compare.
And losing love sucks with about the same equivalence of the amazing feeling of gaining love...of BEING in love.
When that is snatched out of your hand, out of your heart....one is entitled to grieve.
I lost two loves last year.
Both were taken from me unexpectedly, and I didn't spend nearly enough time with either one of them.
I want this year to be different.
I'm going to make sure all of my friends and family know that I love them. I'm going to spend much more time with every single one. I'm going to fall in love, and be caught by my lover.
I'm so tired of only hurting....so, another of my resolutions will be to grow closer to God.
I plan to look for answers to questions I have been asking for years. For both my own benefit, and the hopes of benefiting those around me.
It's time I start growing up anyways...stop choosing ignorance over enlightenment. I deserve more than that.
Of course....that is all dependent upon my choices this year. Will I choose the former or the latter, the good or the bad.....but is it always so simple?
Sigh.
I want to believe that I'm ready to make decisions for myself...but I'm scared.
I've never had to...I mean, I will be finishing school in at least 5 years. Then what? What happens when I finish everything? I've been in school for a good portion of my life, being without would feel so....for lack of a better word, empty.
I don't know.
I feel so confused sometimes....lied to, manipulated, crushed. And I can't help but think, it's my own fault. If I had only paid closer attention, if only....that is what I don't want to be saying years from now.
So, no regrets.
We have reached the point of no return, no turning back now. (yes, grabbed from the Phantom of the Opera)
I want to get on with life...what better way to do that, than to forget the past....but I don't want to. I don't want to forget the joy I felt, but with those memories comes pain.
I guess you can't have sweet without the sour.
Well, I'm just as confused, if not more so, than I was when I first started....so if you so happen to enjoy this ranting....and maybe have some little tid bits of advice, I would love to hear them.
Toodles!!!!!!!