Another qualm with society

Perhaps Islam is a religion of extremists, what then? There are many religions that call for extremism. Read the book of Leviticus in the Holy Bible, and you will see what early Christianity called for. What extremes their god asked of them. And compare it to what the extremists of Islam are invoking of the Karan. They are doing nothing that Christian extremists don’t do. Now, I do not imply here that fundamental Christians are anything akin to Christian extremists, but if we are to say that Islam extremists are synonymous to every Muslim, we must also assume that every Christian is an extremist. Every Christian must kill every “witch” they meet, every homosexual. Every Christian must not allow another human being to work on the Sabbath. But do they?

So why must we assume these things of these people? Does it make us any safer? Do we feel righteous to tell these people that they are wrong, and we are right? What is the real truth, why must our truth trump their truth? Why can’t we be wrong, in their eyes we are the intolerable ignorant of America, and the opposite is true of us. All we can focus on is how outrageous Islam seems to us. How could someone BELIEVE that? That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Guess what Christians; The Holy Trinity makes absolutely no sense to the rest of us. God is one, but he’s three? WHAT THE FUCK???? Exactly. So shut the hell up and let the rest of the world have a say. Wouldn’t it make sense, if we were to think about it for one second in a creationist’s perspective, that there would be multiple gods, each specialized to be in charge of one aspect of creation? Couldn’t they be more knowledgeable if one were to think about it in that regard? I say yes, and that’s only as an outsider, an agnostic per say. But to many, religion isn’t about making sense, it’s about believing, having faith. The only question I have is where did all of this religion start?

It had to begin somewhere, do they all spawn from one common belief? If it did, where did it start, and what do all of the religions of the world have in common?

The End of America?

Why should we know history?

I asked this question every day in high school. What is the purpose of knowing the past? It's not like it can happen again. That's what I thought.

The past may be boring. All the dates, the names, the places, the wars, the battles; everything about it can seem to go on and on and on.

I recently watched a documentary aptly titled "The End of America," in which I was truly disturbed about the goings on of our nation.

I saw the Bush Administration paralleled to the fascists of Italy, to the communists of the USSR, to the Nazi regime.

When the PATRIOT act was passed, I was already scared to death. I knew that it meant we could be under surveillance. But I didn't really know the news during the time. I didn't know that people were being targeted by the White House. I didn't know that the 43rd president of the United States of America was not following the law. I didn't know that this administration was trying to take away the freedom of speech by making CRITICISM of the government ESPIONAGE! The rights of the press were being squelched along with every other right the Bill of Rights promise us. Detainees and US citizens, named Enemies of the State by the U.S. government were not promised a speedy trial, they weren't even given Habeas corpus. Everything we thought we had, vanished. This so called conservative, whose party, by the way, is all about limiting government control, started taking control of the entire country's everyday life.

This scares me so terribly.

This society is closing, or it was closing.

If any president in the future wishes to close the US, it looks like it has been made easier by George W.

Think about it. Do some research. Don't take what I say for granted, that's where we got here in the first place. Trusting way too much. Not questioning.

Provacative Questions

Sitting up in the airplane, watching the clouds pass by, watching as we fly over this wide and winding river...I think to myself, "what river is that?" "What rivers are there in Texas?" "Are we in Texas?" Then I wonder, "do we have to be in Texas?" "Could we be elsewhere?" "No, we have to be in Texas. We're only 30 minutes from landing" I think back to that river. I'm so lost and confused. What river is that? Then, in my mind, I see a picture of the United States, without boundaries, like in a satellite picture.I wonder, where is Texas, Colorado. Where are the other states? Why are there states? Why do boundaries exist? They're only political lines, drawn for power...yes, its power they're drawn for, not for the land in and of itself, but for th people in control of said land, owners (?) of the land. But if we didn't have boundaries, it's not like full chaos would ensue...would it?

Can one even "own" land? What is there to own that is ours? Is our life our own? Do we belong to ourselves?

What is ownership?

Ownership is only as valid as others are convinced it is That's where power is created(?). but why?

Human greed?

Where was the first taste of power? That first taste of greed?

Eve and the apple? .

Knowledge is power. Hierarchies. Are human beings (homo sapiens) really able to be better than another human?

How is one human being so simplistically and systematically labelled, organized, and stored for future reference?

What happened to humanity?

Are we all a science project?

Will we just throw out the bad and keep the good?

How do we decide and decipher the "good" from the "bad"?

What is a good trait?

What is a bad trait?

Who is allowed to decide this?

These are only questions, but I want to answer them.

Religion vs. Belief

I talked at length with my father about my grandfather's passing tonight. He's a very devout protestant, Southern Baptist actually. It's a very conservative sect of Christianity, and I don't want to upset him by telling him I'm not sure, I'm not ready for that lecture. But I did let him tell me what he felt about the whole situation. And this is how I perceived it.

Apparently we're told that in order to become good with God, Himself, we have to choose the right side. The side that God said we must choose to be with Him. He created us to choose whether we loved Him or not, and as it seems, there is only one right answer. He created us so that he could have fellowship, but He wanted true love, He wanted us to make the choice to love Him, so He also gave us the chance to damn ourselves...all because He wanted true and undying love from us. And because we're imperfect, because we chase our greed and our own sinful desires above the desires of heaven, God sent himself in the form of his Son as a sacrifice on our part, so that we may believe and forever live in His glory.

I don't think this is absurd at all, I'm just not sure about the whole afterlife thing. It's so hard to wrap my mind around, and while I attest to believing in Christianity, I cannot say that I am a Christian, for I have not followed Christ like I should, and I will not shame the name of this belief.

But the religion, the orthodox religion of Christianity, the organized religion, is all very political.

I'm very sure that everyone can agree that wars are started because everyone is right about their one true belief, and that the rest of humanity is incorrect. I know it's easy to think about the Catholic and Protestant conflicts in Ireland and England. Of course we know about the Muslim skirmishes in the Middle East. We know that religious conflict in the late Imperial era sparked many rebellions, along with political and social unrest. It would seem that religion does nothing but bring chaos to our lives, but if we stop and think for a moment, what of human origin HASN'T brought chaos?

We try and do something for the good of the people, and end of ruining the environment. We are greedy and selfish, and capitalism only contributes to that. We think for ourselves. It's in human nature, and with that though, comes egotism. We think we're the only right ones. No one else can be right.

Judeo-Christianity sees the all-mighty power of the universe in the form of a man. Because our texts say that we were created in his image, which we have determined, must be physical.

I'm not exactly sure what other religions exactly believe, but I know that they are different from what I believe. I know that Hindu, Buddhism, Islam, Taoism, Confucianism....they all believe in different powers, different beings. But it all comes down to one shared focus.

Love.

Love is a powerful thing. It can mend hearts, minds, egos. It's amazing. And showing love to a fellow human being is what each and every one of these religions bases their ideologies off of. If we look to the core of Christianity, we see the basic foundations, of love. God wants us to love each other, He wants us to love Him.

Buddhism deals a lot with meditation, and sending love out to the world.

Taoism deals with the way, finding love and following it through simplicity.

Love is a belief held near and dear to my heart. Loving the rest of humanity is hard sometimes, but we were created to love one another, and although we were doomed to fail, love is a goal we all aspire towards.

The existence of all this is always hotly debated, but I don't exactly have time to go further into detail, although I wish I did, I'll save that for a later date.

Reflections on Life

I realized, after losing my grandfather, my uncle, and my best friend....that life is anything but promised. We're never promised the next second, and it seems everything we willingly put ourselves through is all for naught if we only die in the end anyways.

I sometimes feel that what we do on this earth is only as good as we're alive, and when we've died, what good has it done us? What good did we gain? I feel that we grew as people, as individuals, always becoming a better human being...but what good is that when your existence no longer is?

My only problem with this whole idea is life, is the meaning of it. I'm not talking about meaning within life, it just seems that being alive for around 70 years, and then just disintegrating into nothingness, makes no sense. If that's all we were here for, life wouldn't have proliferated, would it? Does it make sense that we would be born, and then die in less than a century, with little time to make a mark on this world, and at that it'd be only the human population. I just feel that...there's little meaning to our existence other than to be born, live (in a very vague sense of the word even), and die. And after death...what is there? It seems empty. I feel like we've created religions only to comfort the living, and these have only become more elaborate over time.

I'm just confused about this whole life thing. Why are we alive? If I'm to believe my Christian upbringing, we're created for the soul purpose of serving and praising our Lord every second of the day, and be happy about it. That doesn't make much sense to me. I mean, if I were all powerful, sure I'd create this elaborate idea and call it life, give it to 6 billion people, and counting, not to mention every OTHER organism that is alive, and then make it as difficult as possible to have a good time. I don't know, I guess if I was that bored, and all powerful, I'd create people to worship me. But from what I understand, he already had an awesome presence of angels at his feet. Why need grubby, unwilling, and non-committal humans? Why not anything else this all powerful being decided to breathe into existence?

First of all, I don't understand the need for us to be alive, except to live and die, and then why must we make it so complicated? Why the modernization, the self-actualization. Whenever I just watch people, it amazes me how complicated we make everything. I've observed birds searching for food, and I reflect over the seemingly simple life they lead. How easy they make life seem, and then I wonder why my life can't be that simple, or if it can, why don't I choose to make it that simple? I wonder why we go to college and everything, if we only die in the end.

I understand the need for procreation, and I understand sexual selection, and I think that could have a possible impact on the way we've created our social interactions and perceived needs. The demand for competent men and women has increased the need for college, good resumes, outstanding penmanship, etcetera. It seems like it's only a positive-feedback-loop, again, explained away by supply and demand. I'm not sure I like this system. But it is what it is, and there's no way a 19 year old girl can create a paradigm shift, besides, I don't even have a good substitute, this seems to be working....I just sometimes wish I could go back to a simpler life, but don't we all?

Nostalgia and Regrets

I spent the night with my ex on Friday. I don't even know if he's my ex yet. I think we broke it off, whatever the case my be, we're taking a break, and I have yet to be informed whether it shall be indefinite or not. I'm not sure if it was a bad move. On one hand, I was lonely and I needed, maybe it's more like wanted, someone to fix that. What I did wasn't stupid, entirely. But I do wish that I hadn't put so much worth in him, almost to the point where he ends up being the most important person in my life. I know that's not true, but it seems that way. It seems like I chose to forsake all of my friends just for Steve....and now that there's a possibility of us being over, I really don't have anyone to run to just because of all the time I was with him instead of them. I didn't make any new friends this semester, I basically spent all of my time off campus at his apartment. I never saw my roommate, my best friend, my good friends, no one except him, for all intents and purposes. Now that I need them most, I realize that this is the worst time to show them I care, because it's only at my convenience. I know it's wrong to feel free to go running to a person that feels unloved and neglected...and I only wish that I had realized this...no, that I hadn't taken for granted their friendships.

I see my roommate and her boyfriend, they seem so happy together. He comes over a lot, stays the night, is very kind and considerate to my privacy, and of course I show him the same respect. It's hard watching them cuddle in the mornings, and not wish that I was with Steve doing the same thing, and it's not only physical companionship that I miss, but the emotional as well. On Friday night, sure I was with Steve...but it's not like...it was so much like how we were before...I don't know what I could have done to bring him back to me. I knew that it wasn't going to last, I knew that seeing him wasn't the best idea, I knew that all I had was the physical side of him, while what I really wanted and needed was his love and mercy. Friday night I held onto him knowing that it wouldn't last, knowing that he was only back in my life momentarily...as a statue of what I want. It hurts realizing this at the same time that I'm only trying to be with him, to be satisfied that he's back in my life....and yet I know that he's not. I dreaded the morning, the time that I'd have to leave, so I held onto him for dear life, sending him all my love and doing my best to show him that I really do care. I knew that I wasn't changing anything, by asking him to stay with him. Sex doesn't fix anything, I know this. Thinking about this doesn't make it any better, nor any worse. I can't fix it by killing myself over this...I just don't know which way to turn. I want to get past this point, but the only way that I want it to turn is to be with him...but I do really want to be past this, and I guess....if getting past it means getting over him, so be it. I just don't want to hurt anymore.

College life...and the changes the former has brought

Since beginning this arduous journey called life, I've had my ups and downs, ins and outs, and my share of surprises along the way. One thing I've failed to experience, however, is college. Now that's a very vague sense of the word, because when you think of college, you usually think of classes, parties, Greek life, etc. What one fails to think of is the free time one finds...or you could say that one makes this free time, and the responsibility to decide how to spend said time. College is less of a time of exploration of ones interest as a time where we have to find the adult within ourselves, and it's the ones who can't handle that that end up dropping out. It's not because they're stupid, they just weren't ready for the adult world. I'm sure that you adults out there would kill to be back in an environment where they seemingly baby us, but its the transition, of high school to the real world, that we desperately depend on.

One obvious conflict of interest may involve intimacy and significant others. We're all familiar with the wings of love, and the pangs of loss. One thing that we tend to forget, however, is the triumph one feels after you get past the fact of loss, after we prove our strength and tenacity.

Everyone wants to have fun in college, and fun is to be had...but one can only play when work is finished. And to be truthful, it's a good feeling, having work done before fun...one can really let go and forget about work when it's all finished.

As my freshman year of college comes to a close, I wish I would have been told that deadlines come fast, that a heart shouldn't be given out so quickly, and that wariness is a good quality to have. I had a lot of fun this year, and yet I know it only gets harder, I feel like this experience was a good transition. I've learned I'm not the best of students, but I'm working on that.

I've attained quite a list of books to read and movies to see, and I can't wait for summer to get here. I've never been so excited about a summer, and yet I know next year I'll only have to be more responsible, but I'm confident in my abilities, I want to enjoy this time for myself, I want to work and relax, no school worries, and have the confidence that I'll be moving on to bigger and better things.

I've loved and lost this year. I've dealt with my past, and pondered the future. I've found new interests, and a new me. Overall, this was a good year. And I approve.