Existence of Love?

Love exists as long as you are not questioning whether it exists or not. Once you start wondering if you love someone...it is gone.

Etiquette of Online Dating

So I was just thinking...what kind of rules does one follow in the realm of online dating? Is it like the real world? Do you date one person at a time or are you constantly on the lookout and "dating" until you find someone you feel relatively sure about? Do you have options? Are there any "meant to be"s?
Is there even any kind of etiquette? Have we left any kind of courtship all together now that we've moved this to the online world?

Housemates....

So...I don't necessarily want to talk about any one person....but sometimes...just like. You have to be conscious of who is in the room. I love when people have different opinions, however, please don't judge MY opinion AND don't be rude about yours. Kay??? Jeez-us.

Not sure of a title quite yet. I hate titles.

I never wanted to be the girl defining her life by relationships....oh well. I also decided early on that I wouldn't drink or do anything horrifically modifying to my body (like thousands of piercings). We've seen how that went.
I want to start off by saying that It's been 4 months since he broke up with me. More or less. I really really really really really really wanted to be over it by now. I'm mostly over it...but I wish it didn't bother me so much that he doesn't want to talk since I've started seeing somebody else.
One thing I can thank whatever deity may exist is that I'm not one of those girls who conforms to her guy of the moment's trends...nope. not me. I'm not a chameleon in that regards. I like to think that I'm more like a rock than a puddle of water...but maybe that's just me. Water is as malleable as anything on earth...shape and size and consistency anyways. But rock...rock is not. it may weather over time...but it does not change the shape of itself as quickly as a puddle will.
Speaking of puddles...it seems like it's always raining in Ithaca...making me realize how much I want to be a child again...when I didn't mind getting wet in the rain. As an adult I'm always rushing through the rain to some undisclosed location. It's worrisome. I want to be more child like. I remember one rainstorm in San Antonio where me and my younger brother played in the mud and pretended to be Indians...or Native Americans. We called them Indians because children aren't as bothered by political correctness as the rest of the world, aka the adult population.
Anyways, I miss those days of relatively little responsibility. I suppose I will also look back on my College days and miss this, too. Little responsibility + drinking age. :)
By the way, Kant. Yeah. He is a very dense read.

So Far Gone

The semester has begun and I'm as busy as ever.
This should be no surprise by now, but I'm always consumed by my work and studying...and I can never get used to getting off of break mode. I've been doing this for years, you would think I would know by now, right? Oh well.
Life is well...as it should be. I'm having problems in my love life, as well, however.
I guess time will only tell how it all goes.
I'm sorry about how bad this is, I haven't been writing since I went to Cape Cod and since I moved in for the semester, well...life has just been rough. Let's leave it at that. At the same time, I've started following all of my new friends on here, and it's come to the point where I feel I should probably be doing something on here. I feel so much like a bum. I need to get more inspiration....as soon as I have more time to think and breathe....come on Cornell!
Life will go on. Someday soon.
:)

The end of America as we thought we knew it

I feel like having a political rant right about now, so let me be.
If any of you know me, you'll know that I'm a crazy leftist liberal hell-bent on ruining our capitalist markets.....or what the Religious Right would have you believe.
Really? I'm all about equality for EVERYONE. Not just in classes, but between classes. Our society so values wealth that the wealthy have even been able to convince the middle and lower classes that it's a good thing to have the mega-rich squander away all of our capital....somehow.
And to be totally honest, I don't agree. Call me anit-American all you want, because what I want is for the America I grew up believing in to be what it has always promised to be, a place to live in with a dream of living without worry and anxiety.
Apparently that's anit-American rhetoric, however. Because I want the mega-rich to pay taxes on their share and to let the rest of us live in peace. I am NOT against the wealthy, I only think that they have to pay their fair share. Why are WE supporting them when they can support themselves and 5 small nations? Huh? It doesn't make any sense, and the fact that the extreme poor are following their rhetoric is outrageous.
Don't even get me started on the Religious Right.....it's their goal to make this country into a real God-fearing nation...to bring Jesus and "God" into schools and make everyone believe that the bible is the full truth and nothing but the truth. This shit is pervasive enough as it is. Swearing to the Flag "under God," swearing to tell the truth and nothing but the truth on the bible.
And even funnier is that these nut cases want us to believe this insane ideology while they go behind our backs and do the exact opposite. Double-speak.
Our country is living the book 1984....every right that is taken away is one step closer to a third world status....total inequality. Do we really want that? It almost seems like there's no hope for America. Get out while you still can!!!!

Control

I've always been one to want to control everything...and then fix it if I messed it up. I recently learned that life doesn't work that way. I've always intrinsically known this...I suppose I only just wanted for that to be false and that I could use my actions to decide the verdict....which is true to a point. I'm over controlling, over bearing. It's true.
I know that this isn't healthy...it can lead to some serious psycological and physical damage...trying to control so much. While it's true that my actions in certain situations do sway the verdict...I cannot decide that it is better. It is not always in my control. Sometimes I have to just let the feather fall as it will. Sometimes...trying to control a situation only makes it worse. Jeeze. I should really fix this thing inside of me that wants to control everything.
It'll take time, and some serious effort, but I think I can do this. This is for both my present and future self.
It's going to be really hard.
God help me.

New Blog

Hey guys!
So I recently started this new blog because of my apparent internet addiction. That and I feel I need to learn to appreciate life and all of the beauty that surrounds it. So while I'll be blogging here still about significant and insignificant thoughts and ideas, I will be talking there about my daily life and my appreciation for all that life brings me. :)
Tell your friends and follow me there, too!

http://lifeoutsideoftheinternet.blogspot.com

A Joke with Wit

What's the difference between a cat and a comma?






























One has claws at the end of its paws and the other is a pause at the end of a clause!

Cars 2

I know this is a movie geared towards children, and it did a good job. But it has a couple of good lessons for adults as well, something that I hope I can take from this movie and put into my life.
Without ruining the movie for anyone who hasn't seen it yet, I just want to say that the movie strongly upholds friendship. We see Mater and McQueen have a fight, but we also see them get back together, because that's what best friends do, right? I'm sure many of us think that. But the big thing to grasp here is that we all make mistakes, and that real friends don't intentionally hurt one another. We have to remember forgiveness is essential to every relationship we will ever have, and that friends are the best things we can come by in life. True friendships are rare and should never be forgotten.
Forgive your friends, accept them for who they are, and life will be kind for you.

Two-Stepping

Tonight was my first night out at a Texas dancehall...and I learned some rules about how- and what-tos.
I thought I would be kind and share some of these rules with you, just in case you care to venture out into one.
1. It's ok to wear whatever you want, you don't have to dress like a country bumpkin, but wear clothes that you can move around in comfortably.
2. The same rules apply to shoes, but the general shoe most appropriate for this type of venue is the famous Texas Cowboy Boot. It's an unwritten necessity (for both men and women).
3. Find someone to teach you the basic two-step, you don't want to make yourself look like a tool in front of the women you want to take home...and women, this is easy, find a man who's standing or sitting around that looks like a possible cowboy....he probably knows how to two-step and would be glad to teach you.
4. Don't sit out all night, find someone and DANCE.

Those are my lessons from the night. Oh...more lessons and rules to follow about general etiquette in different places. Love you guys. :)

My First Vegetarian Restaurant

I went to my first vegetarian restaurant today, with a couple of friends, one of whom is vegan.
I surprised myself with how much I knew about veganism vs vegetarianism and different nutrition facts about dairy products, protein...and just all around knowledge about it. I'm so happy that I went. It's a wonderful place, and I want to go again before I go back to Ithaca. I absolutely loved it. I got mushroom stroganoff and a vegan cupcake for dessert. I've been wanting to go towards vegetarianism for a while, and I truly think I got my kick-start today, and on top of that, I joined a vegetarian co-op for next year. Maybe this isn't going to be as hard as I thought.

We the People

It's sad when corporations are considered freer than we are. We are people, right? Are they more a person than we could hope to be?
I think it's kind of ridiculous that big corporations get bigger breaks than we could ever hope to have anymore.
If you think about the whole Walmart thing, you would begin to see how big a reach money can have, apparently you can not only buy out politicians, but you can buy judges too. Soon enough you can buy out entire police forces too....this sounds very mob like, to me.
When did this start? When was it that I was no longer a priority to my government? I don't know, and I'm not sure we can rally enough people to agree so that we can even have an IMPACT on this new thought process the government is taking up. It's a new Guilded Age. Peasants against peasants. That's how they keep the peace. They pit us against one another just long enough so that they can pull something off while we're busy fighting, and we would NEVER KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.
This is the scariest thing on Earth.
I want out of this Country. As soon as possible.

From Scratch?

I was talking with a fellow blogger today and I was telling her about how difficult it is to blog consistently. She said that it's never a bad idea to start blogging again, and I agree. I supposed with the way I've been blogging for a while I have never really set a certain path on my posts, but I think I'll have a certain theme, or at least I'll try to have one, for the rest of my blogs. There's just so much that I'm passionate about, but being busy with school and what not can get in the way of making time for this.
But for you, my readers, I will devote time to this....I need to find a camera and take pictures to talk about this as well.
Man, I'm SO behind the times. Help!

<3

Should the truth come out?

I have to make a decision.
It's not a decision I want to make.
I wish it never even came down to this.
I have no idea what to do.
While I want everything to be nice and at least cordial, like it's always been, I also want for him to know the truth and accept me for me.
The only frame of reference that I have for this is my brother's coming out...which was a disaster.
I just don't know the best way to tell my father that I don't know what I believe...but I'm pretty sure it's not what he believes.

The realities of Love

Someone told me something about marriage that made me stop and think today.
She told me to think of the worst attribute in the one I love, afterward telling me I should multiply it by 10.
This, she said, is what marriage will be like.
She said if something bothers me about him, to not marry him.
That sounds a little cynical to me...for who has attributes everyone loves all the time.
A saying popped into my head as I was writing this...you can't please everybody all of the time, only some people some of the time.
So what if he has some annoying qualities, I love him.

And I know the difference between being in love and loving someone.
I'd say being in love is a bit more selfish than loving someone.
A person in love is a person who gets high off of the other, it's the feelings of butterflies and that deep heart beat. While they don't only want that, I'd say it's pretty close to number one on the agenda.
But Love is more than that.
And anyone who loves someone knows what I am talking about.
For instance: the Love of a mother, a sister, a friend, a significant other....all of it has at least one thing in common.
That this love makes that person care about this other person, at times above themselves.
A mother wants the best for her child, and is willing to go to lengths beyond her happiness to make sure that happens.
A sister wants her sibling to be happy, she cares about him and is severely saddened when she finds out he's hurting himself.
A friend is supportive and understanding because she doesn't want to see her friend hurt.
I, as a girlfriend, want the best for him. I know that may mean forsaking our relationship because he has to go to school elsewhere...and however selfish I am, to want to stay with him....because of that high that being in love brings...love brings me back to Earth. I want to follow him. I want to be happy with him, but reality may be different. Fate may have different plans for us. And if that's what is best for him, I'm okay with that. Because I love him, I'm okay with it, but that doesn't mean it won't hurt.

I'd be lying if I said I can't find anything I don't like about him.
Sometimes I get annoyed by him.
Sometimes I wish he wouldn't play video games so much.
Sometimes I don't want him to be annoyed with me when I want a little bit of attention.
Sometimes I wish he would be more open with me.
Somebody told me he was boring.
But I'm not bored by him.
I love that he likes to do his own thing, just like I like to do mine.
We can't always be doing everything together.
We can't become one person.
I need to be myself just as much as he needs to be him.
And I don't want to change whatever he is.
If any change is to be made in either one of us, it should be because we see room for self improvement.
I want to be that woman that inspires him to be the best man in the world.
I think I can do it, too.
For him and for me.

So far away...

Have you ever missed someone so much you can actually feel them in your arms?
That your heart longs so much, that it hurts your body, and your brain relieves your pain with a simple hallucination?
Sleeping together is never a problem.
Safe in his arms I fall into both wild dreams and short nights.
I'm always awoken by his kiss in the morning.
His tenderness and thoughtfulness inspire me.
I wish, at this very moment, to be beside him.
To caress his scratchy face and soft head of hair.
I wish, more than anything, that he was holding me close as we both fall asleep to the soft mumblings of the television.
To lie awake with one of his arms wrapped around my waist and the other beneath my neck, supporting my head.
I wish we were together tonight, and for the rest of the weekend.
To enjoy each others company now and forever more.
To be with him always.
As he is constantly in my heart, mind, and soul.
I wish to wander his dreams tonight, as he does mine.
For his dreams to become my home, as he lives in mine.
He's everywhere around me, and I wish to be that for him.

I know I love him, and tonight I've seen how he loves me. :)
<3

Death of a family member

I'm not sure what to rant about this time.

Do I think all dogs need to be locked up with the key thrown into depths unreachable to all life?

I think pitbulls and any combination thereof need that exact treatment.

They destroy lives.

My cat was killed the night before last by my neighbor's pitbull, and I think my love for dogs died with my cat.

I know it may sound crazy, but Waffles was my best friend for a long time. He listened to me when I needed to talk to somebody. He was there for affection when I needed to be reminded that I'm loved by something. He was the best cuddle buddy I have ever witnessed. He was the all around best friend I could ask for.

Then he went missing for quite some time...which was very unlike him.

I thought he had run into hiding because that big mean dog next door was out again. Because of that loud bang on the front porch that very night.

He had gone into hiding, but that was before the bang...that bang was the dog finding my poor baby and running into the porch to kill him.

The next morning we found him. Fortunately I wasn't the one to find him, but the news hit me hard all the same.

My cat was dead.

My best friend.

My baby.

Gone.

And why?

Because this mangy dog got loose and couldn't be caught until it was too late for Waffles.

Taking in his food and water bowl was painful beyond words.

Walking up to the house stops me in my tracks because he doesn't jump up onto the porch to greet me.

At dinner time I only have one pet to feed.

My entire daily schedule is messed up because of that foul beast.

My friend that I relied on comfort in times like this gone.

I loved him so very much, and for him to be taken like this is outrageous.

Dogs like my neighbor's are dangerous, and if they are to be continued to be allowed to be bred and taken care of, stricter laws need to be put in place and enforced to keep the rest of society safe.

Maybe if this does happen my cat will not have died in vain.